Yesterday I turned 25. Sadie was the first one to wish me a happy birthday (Luke was still asleep). Then it was Luke's turn: "You're 25... that's scary!" Later in the day my mother passed on a bit of sage advice received from her mom on the same birthday: "The reason you feel so much older is because you round up to 30 now." 30, really?!?! That still seems like a long ways away.
But not as long as it used to. 5 years ago, 5 years seemed an eternity - 25 seemed a long way off, and I had a long list of things I thought I would have done by now. Some of them happened: getting married, graduating from college, finding a job, although it is certainly a job I never imagined. Some of the things on my list, I'm still waiting for. I certainly never would have been able to predict 5 years ago where I am today, living only 20 miles from my hometown and riding horses for the same trainer I worked with in high school! Somehow I know I thought I would have travelled a lot farther by now - be living farther away, perhaps using my psychology degree in a more direct way working with kids or even adults, occasionally travelling the world or even the country. Instead I stay close to home to care for animals that never take a break from living, so we cannot take off for 2 weeks and not care for them. And I am dealing with people's fears and insecurities in a much more indirect way as I teach, trying to instill confidence in a nervous kid, helping an adult to overcome their self-consciousness, pushing another student to develop a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility. It is very different from where I thought I would be, taxing in many ways, yet rewarding as well, as we see a young horse develop from a ball of nerves to a confident and accomplished partner with the ability to calmly do its job and take care of the person on its back, or as a young student, after several years of half-hearted riding, suddenly becomes inspired and blossoms into a beautiful and hard-working rider, a joy to teach and watch.
I have come to realize that our lives are always in transition - no matter what goals we may accomplish, whether or not we stay at the same job or in the same area for years on end, the strands of our lives never remain the same. Many times the changing of strands is painful - the loss of a friend and student, personal pain that opens your eyes to the suffering of many others, seeing those you love suffer unanticipated hardship. At other times it is joyful - reconnecting with an old friend, meeting new students and clients, seeing a favorite horse go to a wonderful home. The goal of life cannot be to achieve some static state, or else we will be constantly dissapointed at the inevitable changes in life. Instead, our goal must be to use the strands we are given to create a beautiful tapestry - ever-changing, ever become richer and more deeply layered as we learn, feel and grow. Though we have had our share of heartaches in the past year, we look forward to the year of change ahead with anticipation.
My prayer for this year is that we - I - would accept and embrace the changes more gracefully, trusting that my loving Father knows best where my path is headed and how the strands of my life must intertwine with others to create the tapestry that He is weaving. Though I have no idea where the next 25 years or even the next 5 will take us, I know we will be held in the palm of His hand, wrapped in His love and guided by His light.
