Give Thanks

This is something I've been meaning to do for a long time. Starting things can sometimes be a battle for me. I want it to be the perfect time, the perfect beginning, to have time to write perfect, meaningful words. But the search for perfection often keeps us from accomplishing the good. This is something God and my wonderful husband both continue to teach me.

So, inspired by the woman who has had probably the greatest influence on my life of any, I make an imperfect beginning. My life has been so full of gifts lately I cannot remotely hope to list even a small portion of them. But I will simply dive in and begin this list of 1000 gifts, a tiny fraction of the innumerable gifts I receive daily.

1. Love. "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels, nor demons, neither the present, nor the future, nor any powers, neither height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

2. A pastor who is willing to bare his own soul and reveal his weaknesses that we might better understand the love of God and what it means to show this love to others.

3. Prayers. Both of thanksgiving and of compassion for a sister who is mourning.

4. A godly husband, so undeserved, who loves me tenderly, passionately, completely, through thick and thin, good and bad, in sorrow and in joy, who shows me each day more of the love of Christ.

5. A beautiful daughter, true miracle, sweet gift from heaven. God is already teaching me much through her.

6. A greater understanding of the depth of love than I ever knew was possible.

7. Waking up each morning to smiles from the two people I love most in this world. Each of their smiles are precious and beautiful in different ways.

8. A little girl who smiles when I sing to her, who already has a love for music and sometimes even tries to sing along. :)

9. The gift of music and reasons to sing more in the past few weeks than I have in a long time.

10. A warm woodstove and the gift of wood from a friend to keep us cozy on cold falls mornings (and all winter long!).

11. The brilliance of a beautiful fall day in New England - crisp air, glorious leaves, warm sunshine.

12. Watching my little one sleep peacefully in her sling.

13. Seeing the expressions she makes as she wakes up.

14. Baby cries - communication from a daughter who is healthy and thriving.

15. Learning lessons about dependance and receiving from one so small and precious.

One Month Ago...

she made her grand entrance into our lives. After what felt like an eternity of waiting, her scrunched face and purple-red body appeared over the blue sheet separating my head and shoulders from the rest of my body. We only got a quick look before she was whisked to the nurses to clear her lungs and check her over to make sure she wasn't suffering any ill effects from her rather rough introduction to life outside the womb. For the next few minutes all we could hear were her shocked and somewhat angry wails and exclamations of delight from the nurses. And then, suddenly, there she was in Luke's arms, body bundled in a receiving blanket, head covered with a hat, and in between her big, blue eyes blinking in the bright lights. As soon as he held her she stopped crying and just stared at him, quietly flicking her tiny tongue in and out of her mouth and looking, taking it all in. It was like she knew that this was where she belonged, and she was saying hello for the first time face to face.

In the month since then she has gained over 2 lbs., grown 2 1/2 inches, and firmly entangled herself in the heartstrings of her two adoring parents (not to mention grandparents and extended friends and family). We have gotten to know each other more day by day, and we have watched Clara change and learn and grow so much already! I will never forget the morning when, halfway through nursing she suddenly stopped, turned her head and looked straight into my eyes. For a full five minutes she simply lay still in my arms and we stared at each other. I moved my head and she followed, her eyes never leaving mine.

Or the morning a week later when, as we were walking around the living room talking, she looked straight at me again and her whole face lit up in a real, true smile. Sure, there had been fleeting smiles before, with her eyes or half a mouth, but this time she just smiled and smiled straight at me with her whole face glowing. Now, every morning after she wakes up and nurses we talk and smile at each other for a good ten minutes. Watching that beautiful toothless grin spread over her face is like seeing the purest ray of sunshine break through the clouds and shine directly down on you. It is a fresh miracle every morning.

Of course this month has not been all sunshine and rosy cheeks. Luke and I have both shed tears at times over our inability to stop her cries. We have felt like we could not go one more minute without sleep, wondered if we will ever sit down and actually eat a meal together again (either we just have bad timing or she has a sixth sense about when to wake up crying!), and felt more compassion than we ever thought possible for a little stuffy nose when Clara had her first cold this past week.

But these things are so minor compared with the gift we have been given. The gift of this beautiful, precious daughter of God - the gift of watching her grow, of seeing her smile, of hearing her learning to coo, of gaurding her, caring for her, and watching over her for an all-too-brief time before she one day takes off on her own into this world she is just now beginning to discover. It is sure to be a challenging journey, but we are so thankful for the opportunity to travel this road together we are looking forward with great excitement to the days and months ahead. I just pray they go by slowly, as this little girl is plenty big for me at the moment, and I don't think she needs to grow up any time soon. :)