Blessed by a Stranger

Tonight I was immeasurably blessed by a complete stranger. I still have no idea who this person is. I have heard of things like this happening, but never experienced anything remotely like this myself.

Clara and I had a fun, but long day. We went strawberry picking with friends this morning, I dealt with our friends' "energetic" horse and taught 3 lessons while Clara talked away in the pack'n'play instead of napping, we took a long way home and eventually found the house I was looking for where we picked up some fresh local honey (that was sitting in front of the garage door, where I left a check in an envelope taped to the door - love the country!). Thirty minutes after we got home, Luke left to go help our friend stack hay for our horses.

Due to the non-napping, Clara went to bed early. Just before 6:30 I came out of her room and heard a car being started in my driveway! Strange, since Luke was gone. I had left my keys in my car when we got home and, although I wasn't exactly worried, I rushed to the front door just in time to see a small, unfamiliar silver car pull out of our driveway and drive away. Strange, I thought, although not too strange as people often turn around in our driveway. Then, as I turned around to come back inside, I happened to look down. There on the step was this:

The note reads: "Hi! :) I see you outside with your child - saw you one day planting and her right by your side. Saw this and thought it fit you even though I do not know you. I am just a neighbor happy to see someone making a difference. :)"

Wow! I am still blown away by the kindness and thoughtfulness of this person who took notice and sought to encourage a complete stranger. I only wish I knew who he or she was so I could thank them in person! But this public thanks will have to do for now.

I absolutely love my job as a mom and value my role as a mother. But sometimes I do wonder, couldn't I be doing more? More for others? More for God? God seems to be answering me lately in very specific ways. Last week there was this post from another mom I love to read, writing about a young girl whose story has inspired me but also sometimes caused me to wonder if I am giving enough, living enough of a poured out life and shouldn't I be doing what she is doing and my heart aches for brown faces and my birth soil. This week there were two posts: here and here on the importance of motherhood, pouring into the children we've been given and seeing what God sees in them.

And then, today, this. A stranger saw and took notice. How much more does my God see and take notice? Of the moments I didn't raise my voice, the million and one repetitions of Clifford or Pooh Bear, the dishes, the laundry, the snuggles with a cranky toddler who is caught somewhere between clinging tight and pushing away. The small things. The life that sometimes feels small yet still overwhelming.

Thank you, Father. I am listening.

No Neutral

This phrase defines my life right now: "...there are no neutral moments in a young child’s life..."
As I was contemplating this morning what it is about parenting that has become so much more challenging since my sweet, cherubic baby became a toddler, this is the phrase I was searching for. When I read it in the article, I knew. That's it! My daughter no longer has a "neutral." It is either full steam ahead or burning rubber in reverse (I know, mixing metaphors). It is, "Dress! Skirt! Dress! Skirt! .... Dress. .... NO, SKIRT!!!" She is shaking hysterically with laughter one moment and bawling in dejection the next. She goes from, "Get DOWN!" to "Come 'ere, Mama," from "All by SELF!" to "Maaamaaa, help youuuuu" and back again in a matter of milliseconds.

I have heard this described as the toddler's search for independence. But it seems to be not so much about independence itself as about the conflict between desiring autonomy and fearing desertion, craving space but needing closeness. Perhaps this tug-of-war between freedom and stability is in sharper relief because our dear friends' oldest daughter just graduated from high school and I see the same conflict in her as she prepares to leave for college. Needing to assert herself but still wanting approval, love and acceptance. Seeking to discover and define herself apart from her family but still needing to feel connected, rooted, safe.

When I take the time to think about my daughter's tantrums and dizzying mood swings in this light, I am able to feel more compassion, less frustration. More understanding, less confusion. I see so much of myself in her. "Thanks God, but I can handle this one..... oh, wait! God?? A little help please?" "Let's choose that option. Ooooor, this one? No, that one. Okay, yes, this one's better. ...or is it that one?"  It makes me wonder, does God get tired of my antics? There are so many ways this parallel applies to my life, I certainly don't have time or space to contemplate them all here. But one of the things I am learning from my little girl's constant flow of extreme emotions is the importance of creating a neutral. With her we are working on taking deep breaths and using our words to communicate. In my own life I am working on creating spaces and times to pause, let the Holy Spirit breathe through me and allow God's Word to communicate to me. I hope to teach my daughter this as well. To give her a "neutral" - a place she can always come back to and rest. A Person she can always rest in, even in that distant but all-too-near future when she is no longer in my home and I am not there to look her in the eyes, hold her close and whisper, "Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Just breathe."

Favorite Moments

Clara (while squatting next to Daddy's boots, which she had just helped him polish. Said in a loving tone): Shiny, shiny... so shiny...... Hello, Shiny!

In the car tonight on the way home from a friend's graduation:
Clara: I see Sadie Mae! (said in a high voice - what we usually say when we get home) ... Where ARE you Sadie Mae? (holding her blankie up over her face) Hiding!
... Mommy, like some cheese.
Me: I don't have any cheese, Clara, you ate it all.
Clara: Mommy, like some cheese.
Me: You ate all the cheese, Clara, I don't have any.
Clara: Please, Mommy, like some cheese!
Me: Clara, the cheese is all gone. I don't have any more cheese.
(a pause)
Clara: Mommy, like some... cornbread! (Don't know where she got this from, we haven't had cornbread in quite awhile!)
Me (trying to hold back laughter): I don't have any cornbread, sweetie. All the food is at home.
Clara: Mama get some OATmeal ready!
... later, while talking about going to her friends' house tomorrow:
Clara: Bankie come us.
Me: Yes, blankie can come with us.
Clara: Pay ou-side fends!
Me: Yes! You can play outside with your friends.
Clara: Bankie pay ou-side us.
Me: No, blankies are just for inside.
Luke: Blankies are for catching sleep with... (in an undertone) kind of like for catching bats.
Clara: Catch bats! Catch bats bankie! Daddy catch bats bankie!
Luke: Maybe tomorrow, honey. Maybe Daddy will rope a bat tomorrow. Would you like that?
Clara: Uh huh! Daddy rope bat to-mah-woah.

When she sees anything she wants: "CA-ra (how she says her name) may have some!"